When our minds fester and stew in negativity, usually the first suggestion is to let go.
Just let it go. What’s done is done. Worrying won’t change the outcome. It’s more painful to hold on than to let go.
Letting go is sound advice because worry and self-blame do us no good. However, as true as it may be, letting go is not that simple. For most of us, when we try to let go of something, it either keeps nagging at us or only comes back with more energy.
Jack Kornfield said, “To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”
It might sound ridiculous and impossible to let these dreadful thoughts and feelings be when there’s an urgency to get rid of them as quickly as possible. However, the energy we spend trying to pretend that these uncomfortable, negative feelings or thoughts don’t exist is precisely what feeds them.
Rather than rejecting or fighting the persistent, negative thoughts and feelings in our minds, look at them. It’s important to observe without judgement. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Acknowledge the thoughts, recognize them, but do not chase after them.
Jon Kabat-Zinn reminds us, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” It’s not easy to relinquish control and let be. It’s uncomfortable to sit with the fear, anger, or embarrassment we feel, but it’s important to do so. We can hope for immediate transformation, but retraining our minds to be patient, present observers requires steady effort.